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Seas Before…: Take 5

July 8, 2010

Opens BG crooner singing: I’m mad about the Me… [to Washington’s famous jazz rendition Mad About the Boy]

Narrator: So why did we change the song?

Me/Em chorus: Don’t ask!

Narrator: Oh, I see. Another Boris was it? Well then.. previously on Seas Before there was news of the hurricane season commencing with Alex heading for Texas… termed an oilicane it brought home to all the monstrous possibilities of life ashore as well as ruined life in the GoM.. What—whattisit!

Em: waves sign on which we read: Whose got the drop on Me – here – then.?

Me: [intoning] Drop of what.. oil?

Em: Dark down there y’said.. so I mean a drop of the dark.

Me: [lol] Not in the dark?

Em: If you like.. but later eh. Meanwhile what about telling us where you were on Saturday… and Sunday.. with buckets wasn’t it..

Me: Oh the Bolivar… Peninsula.

Em [helpfully]: North of Galveston.

Me: Yes, a little off Houston if our chatz need a mental picture. Tarballs. We talked about oilicane seaspray and froth and those shores have gotten tarballs..

Em: Act of God, Governor Perry said. [lol] That tells you something about the Grand Oil Party(GOP) and their man in the mansion.

Me: Hardly flattering God either..

Em: Going everywhere tho.. the spill?

Me: Gulf states anyway. Latest report says it breached inflows to Lake Pontchartrain, in back of New Orleans.

Em: No!!

Me: Yes. And yes again for the GOP in coming days. Folks there can’t help but recall W. at that window in Airforce One looking totally useless after Katrina. If beep don’t score with those two relief drills Americans will push global warming and the alternative energy vote right through November. As it is at least four of the southern states are starting to look real interesting..

Em: S’pose so. Let’s not go there. Let’s figure the here and now. Like buyout, is that credible?

Me: Strong company the beep guy said a month ago. Now..? Stock pummelled and only losses to cover from operations.. well I’d say finding backup—

Em: Sovereign wealth funds—

Me: Correct. Kuwait, Qatar. The obvious one or two. After all, holding a going concern is in their interests.

Em: Know what I heard?

Me: Tell me.

Em: Beep want help from its so-called partners in the well.. to pay their share of the costs.

Me: Get a figure.?

Em: Around $400 million.

Me: Okay. My turn. One for one.. Bob Reich.. he was a former administration’s Labor Secretary and still connectively clued if you follow me. Well, he put the word out a couple of weeks ago about relief wells. And had a petroleum engineer come back to tell him how two relief wells at Macondo depth is high side. This engineer knew of a seafloor blowout off Australia which took five reliefs to fix. Yeah, you wouldn’t read about it..

Em: You, you know what you are.. depressing that’s what. I don’t know what to say.. like.. I mean really, not a single thing is lining up for the ticker..

BG: [ WHISTLING to tune of Christopher Robin.. then final lyric: says Boris ]

NARRATOR: I got the cue.. Here’s what we do.. a joke.. like the trader gets home to his apartment.. says he’s bored.. depressed, I know he goes in the bedroom.. I’ll party.. now what as.. what do I—he yanks the sheet off his bed and flings it over his head.. a ghost, that’s what I’ll go as.. next he’s on the sidewalk, garbed and ready for an invite.. a limo pulls up, door opens and voice growls get in. Oh hi, guys, gotta party he says beside them in their like-white sheeted gear.. {sees the slits too late }. Driving along he asks so where we going guys? They elbow him. After the third go at this routine they say: weese picking up the grand dragon… to himself (beating the elbows out) he thinks well hey I’m wearing a sheet and they are wearing sheets so what’s wrong with with a guy wearing a dragon mask.. the limo pulls over.. opens a door and in steps a huge sheet-covered fellow. Taking the back and so squeezing our trader into his very own puny frame beside the others.. finally they get to the park and pull over to haul him out and holler how he wasn’t one of them and they’d string him up and.. that branch over there! c’mon bro tie the rope around his neck and let’s party… he stands petrified as the rope goes on and even hears it whistle over the branch and come taut. Y’ready? No, wait—he finds his voice at last— listen guys don’t do this—this is America—and America aint gonna make it if we don’t all pull together—and do I mean lightlies and darklies and whitelies—and—oh thank you—thank you so much—this a great thing you have done—America is so much better for this. They stood him down, removed the rope, set him free and on his way. Recalling the events to his mom later he added: No, I didn’t leave straight away, I er.. I listened to them.. heard how impressed they were with my speech.. and then finally marked their appreciation by selling them ten thousand dollars worth of.. of Israel bonds!!

[with thanks to the wonderful Woody Allen whose jokes CD happened to be bouncing around Tim O’Brien’s person on the way into work at RNZ the other night. And for Tim having a bright attack to play it on air]

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